A Historical Contract
Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida announced that his government has awarded Fox News a "sole source" contract, routed jointly through Florida’s Education Department and Department of Corrections, to rewrite all the history books.
Clearly elated by his stunning achievement and surrounded by adoring supporters, the Governor reassured reporters about the rigor of the contract evaluation and award process. "The competition was fierce between scholarly organizations like FOX, OAN, Newsmax, and the MyPillow guy. A panel of conservative Caucasians, and those of color blessed by them, selected the winner after careful deliberation over many agonizing minutes," he said.
When challenged by a national reporter about whether it was reasonable to exclude Black people from being involved in writing the history of their own ancestors, DeSantis angrily responded: "Who is excluding Black people? You are one of these woke people I'm trying to fight. I don't pick winners and losers. I just want history to be written by those who lost the civil war but always knew what's best for our country."
Another reporter tried to interject that this would marginalize people of color in the mosaic of America, unable to have a voice in telling their own stories. "Nonsense!" snapped the Governor. "Native American history is American history. Black history is American history. As long as I am Governor, there will always be a place for all stories and all people as told by Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity on Fox TV."
Asked for comment on this unexpected development, Fox founder Rupert Murdoch gushed: "We are delighted by this breakthrough win. This was exactly the dream that I set out to achieve when I started Fox. Shaping the future of a country like America is hard and boring. The real challenge is to re-invent the past, to create angry arguments. And, that is also the easiest way to build a profitable media company."